I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
