I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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