opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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