New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
