so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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