You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Come on in and take your pants off
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