I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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