this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
