Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
