I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
