Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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