Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
