Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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