have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Congratulations! We have a period
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