the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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