can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
