tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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