he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
