toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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