She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
