About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
