The best revenge is premature balding
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
