She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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