How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
