is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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