I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
