Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
