Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
