I puked a lego.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
