Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
