You work out of a Hotel?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
