Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
