So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
