he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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