My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
