Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
