So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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