Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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