GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
