I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
