I'm eating all of the evidence.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
