drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
