people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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