Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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