Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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