I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
