there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
