You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
