i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
