my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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